Always
by Surae aka Minor Mortals
Summary: SamDean Wincest. Sam's POV. What if Sam found out about Dean’s deal before the end of AHBL? Another oneshot, except this one is slightly different from the rest because it’s not so much an extended scene as it is an altered one.


**TITLE:**Always

**DISCLAIMER: **Much to my chagrin, I own nothing, so please do not sue me.

**SUMMARY: **What if Sam found out about Dean's deal before the end of AHBL? This one is slightly different from the rest because it's not so much an extended scene as it is an altered one. Sam's POV.

**WARNINGS: **Warnings for fairly strong language near the end and **Wincest of the Sam/Dean persuasion**. If you don't like wincest, don't read. Angst/Romance.

**FEEDBACK: **Reviews are fodder to my imagination. No need to play nice, if it sucks, then please do say so. Although I do appreciate any response you are willing to give me, I appreciate civility as well.

**OTHER:** So I'm a bad girl and stole some lines from the last scene, but they just flowed so well with this scene that I was compelled.

* * *

"Here, all around here." Bobby says as he gestures to the map on the table. "Except here, around southern Wyoming." 

"Wyoming?" Dean asked, sounding as confused as I felt.

"Yeah," Bobby replied, "that one area is totally spotless. It's almost as if…" he trailed.

"What?" I asked.

"It's almost as if the demons are surrounding it." Bobby answered as he looked at Dean.

"But you don't know why?" Dean asked.

"No, and by this point my eyes are swimmin'." Bobby said dejectedly before he turned to me and asked "Sam, would you take a look at it? Maybe you can catch something I didn't."

"Yeah, sure." I answered; it couldn't hurt, maybe looking at the map would help us figure out why yellow-eyes took us to Cold Creek.

"Come Dean, I got some more books in the truck. You help me lug 'em in." Bobby said in a low voice as he told Dean more than he asked him, and he gave Dean this look that I could swear was almost angry. Bobby grabbed his coat and stalked out the front door as Dean replied with only a "Yeah." and followed suit.

Something was wrong. Something about the way Dean didn't protest at all, no smart ass remarks or put out huffs when Bobby had enlisted his help to "lug in" the books from Bobby's truck, he just complied. He had only ever been that obedient with their Dad. I was sure there was something else going on. Pissed off that they were hiding something from me, like I was a child, especially now when every little thing mattered, I followed them as quietly as I could out the front door into the scrap yard to listen to their conversation.

For a minute I was sure what direction they had gone in, but it was long before I could hear them a couple cars away.

_"__You stupid ass…What did you do!? WHAT DID YOU DO!?!"_ Bobby yelled as Dean. When after a moment no answer came I heard Bobby say _"__You made a deal…for Sam didn't you?"_ then was a short pause and then _"How long did they give you?" _I couldn't breathe as I waited for Dena to tell Bobby that he was wrong. I was silently pleading for him to tell Bobby he was wrong.

_"Bobby…" _came Dean's trailed reply as he was cutoff

_"HOW LONG?!"_ Bobby demanded.

"Tell him he's wrong Dean…tell him he's got it all wrong…please…" I pleaded over and over to myself anxiously awaiting Dean's answer, trying desperately to deny a truth that I already knew.

_"One year."_ Dean said so quietly I almost didn't hear it over the beating of my racing heart in my ears.

_"Dammit Dean…"_ Bobby growled.

_"Which is why we've gotta find this yellow eyed sonofabitch. It's why I'm gonna kill him myself. I mean I gotta nothing to lose now, right?"_ Dean said simply, more of a statement then a question.

I couldn't breath, it was like being stabbed in the back all over again. I came back to myself enough to hear the rest of the conversation.

_"…throttle you."_ I heard Bobby threaten with another angry growl.

_"What? Send me downstairs ahead of schedule?"_ I heard Dena ask indignantly. Good ol' Dean, always 'the belligerent one' I thought to myself. _Always…_I repeated in my head before turning back into the conversation.

_"What is it with you Winchesters, huh? You, your Dad, you both just itchin' to throw yourselves down the pit!"_ Bobby spat so venomously I could picture his bared teeth.

_"That's my point. Dad brought me back Bobby. I'm not even supposed to be here."_ I could hear the brokenness in Dean's voice, and I hated it. _"At least this way something good can come out of it, ya know? It's like my life can mean something."_

_"What, and it didn't before?!"_ Bobby demanded. _"Have you got that low an opinion of yourself? Are you that screwed in the head?" _I heard Bobby yell as I snuck around the side of the junk car I was hiding behind to get a look at what was going on. Bobby had gripped tight by the jacket and Dean wasn't fighting it. He just stood there, broken and defeated.

_"I couldn't let him die Bobby.__ I couldn't.__"_ Dean said quietly, his voice close to breaking now. _"He's my…"_ there was a slight pause and then _"…he's my brother."_ he finished breathlessly. I couldn't listen to anymore. Tears I didn't know had spilled were freely burning their way down my face. I had never heard him talk like that before. My heart was breaking and a million questions went through my head as I started to walk quietly back to the house, questions like 'Was there something more that brotherly love in his voice?' and 'what was that pause about?' or 'Am I just imagining all this?'Things between them had been different since their father had died. They would look at each other and their eyes would lock until it unnerved one of them and they looked away, touches that lingered long than they should. Neither one of them said anything, but they both new it was there.

Everything was a blur as I stepped back into the quasi dining room and sat down at the table. I wiped my face as I began to futilely study the map laid out in front of me. I tried to calm down, at least enough to be able to feign unawareness for Bobby, I knew Dean would right through it. He always does. _Always…_my mind repeated again. The word just seemed to keep coming up, and it hit me like a ton of bricks that Dean might not have an' always anymore.

I wasn't kept waiting long before Dean and Bobby came bursting through the door…with Ellen. I couldn't believe my eyes; she was supposed to be dead. For a second I was too shocked to be happy, but that quickly faded I sprang out of my chair and gave her a hug.

"Oh my god." I stammered. It was all I could manage for a minute, and then I released her and looked at her and said "You have no idea how good it is to see you Ellen."

"Let the woman breathe Sammy, she's been through hell." Dean told me as he directed Ellen towards the table. At that last sentence I just shot him a look that in no uncertain terms meant 'We need to talk.', and he glanced back with a look of worry and dread.

* * *

Later that night, after a round of holy water for Ellen followed by multiple shots of whisky for all and hours of speculation, Bobby and Ellen had both gone to bed to try and get some rest before we headed out the next day. I looked around for Dean, knowing he wasn't asleep even at this ungodly hour. When I couldn't find him in the house I went outside and my eyes quickly fell upon him leaning against the banister enclosing the porch. 

"Dean." I said softly. I could tell that he knew I was there by the way ne shifted his weight nervously and let out a sigh. "I heard you earlier talking to Bobby." I said quietly, not wanting to shatter the guarded peacefulness of the night. His silhouette tensed but remained silent.

"Dean, would you please say something?" I asked, trying to get him to say _anything_.

"Sammy…" he started, it a tone that usually ended our conversation, but he wasn't going to brush this off.

"No, Dean. You cared enough to explain it to Bobby. How about you try and explain it to me?" I asked a little more aggressively than I had meant, tears now springing anew. "Please…" I added desperately when he took too long to respond. At this he turned around and looked at me. He let out a drawn out sigh and began.

"How was I supposed to tell you that Sammy?" Dean said. "How was I supposed to tell you that you died? Huh?" He continued when I looked down at my feet. "Seeing you like that…it broke me Sam. I told Bobby that I was done with everything, I washed my hands of all of it."

"But it's your soul…your fucking _soul_ Dean." I said, almost a whine.

"Not anymore." Dean said with an uneasy chuckle.

"Stupid sarcastic _son__of__a__bitch_, that's not funny." I snarled.

"Your right, it's not, but it's the truth." He paused and I waited for him as I looked at my feet again. "So is the fact that I love you, and…and I just couldn't let you die. It just couldn't end like that…" he trailed. I could hear the tears in his voice. I was surprised when he continued "Not when I hadn't got the chance to…to…"

"To what?" I asked as I looked up at him. Before I could react he had crossed the distance separating us in one stride and his mouth was pressed firmly against mine, his hands on either side of my face.

We stood there like that for what seemed like years, but I didn't mind, I could stay that way forever. I could feel him start to pull away, so I wrapped my arms securely around him, thankful once again for the advantage of how much taller I was. I could taste the salty tears, unsure and uncaring of whom they belonged to as I kissed him with all that I had, pouring everything into my kisses hoping that would be a sufficient explanation of how much I loved him too. Soon the need for air made its begrudging presence known as I finally allowed him to pull away from me. As soon as he left my arms I felt cold and empty, needing him back where he belonged.

"I sorry…I didn't mean to…" Dean spluttered and back away, somewhat bewildered.

"I did." I said confidently as I walked over to him and placed a firm kiss on his lips, eliciting a groan from deep in his throat.

"I'm gonna miss that." Dean breathed as he smiled against my mouth.

"No you're not," I said. At this he looked up at me and I continued "because you're not goin anywhere." Dean just smiled and I said "You're my big brother. There's _nothing_ I wouldn't do for you. And I don't care what it takes, I'm gonna get you outta this." Dean nodded, wrapping his arms around me.

"I guess I gotta save your ass for a change." I finished.

"Yeah." Was all Dean said before reaching up and kissing me once again. We stayed on the porch until the next morning. We watched the sun come up as we sat in a comfortable silence, enjoying just being together for a little while longer.


End file.
